superheroes

The hardest thing about blogging is you have to be a superhero all the time. Really. At least I make myself believe I do. You can't post things about all the sad feelings you feel. You are meant to blog because you are meant to save the world and you want to touch someone's heart. Because no one wants to read (or write) a post that doesn't make you feel uplifted towards the end of it. I blog because when I write things down they suddenly become real thoughts instead of just pieces of thoughts running around in my scattered brain.

There is this glow about most blogposts saying "I believe in this" "I'm standing up for this" "I'm happy now because" "I decided this" " look how cute these clothes are" "read this and it'll make you feel better about your failed relationship" "you can change your life if" "8 signs that your best friend" so basically, we're superheroes. Doing good unto our fellow men. But what about all those times when we don't have anything happy to write about? Why do I need to feel like I'm supposed to not blog unless I'm happy-blogging? What do I do with all of those thoughts from the days that I'm bored and the nights that I'm really lonely? When I'm sad or angry or stressed or scared or confused? Because there's no shame in feeling those things. So why am I afraid to publish a post that shows I'm weak? 

I don't know if you guys have noticed but my pictures
i add to posts have nothing to do with the actual
post. but i called this one superheroes, so here's
mar. cuz she's a superhero. if you want to follow my
tumblr, you can find it here 

I've come to the decision that I don't want to be a super hero anymore. This doesn't mean I'm going to start writing down all my heartache, but it means I'm going to try to let go of feeling guilty for not feeling like a million bucks all the time. Cuz you know what? I'm human. I make mistakes. I cry. I overthink. I hate boys. I get nostalgic. And I'm gonna write about it. Because it fills me with a different kind of light. I'm going to write because when I do, my mind opens up and my heart calms down and I have to start believing everything I say to all of you. It's okay to be lonely. It's okay to be sad. It's okay to be anxious. Who would we be without our weaknesses? I am a firm believer in opposition, and as I've said in previous posts, without downs there is no such thing as up. I cannot grow without first being buried-- being small.

Don't worry, I'll still be filling my blog with as much inspiration for others as I hold within myself (which honestly I don't know how much that is. I'm kind of boring) but I'm also not going to be afraid to write about things that are hard and aren't that happy. Hope you'll stick with me. Thanks for being here. On this page. You are the reason I write.

with love, 

autumn nicole