i think it's called wanderlust or something

I don't know what this post is. It's probably not going to be as motivational and daintily worded and cute as my other two sappy posts. Mostly I'm writing this down for me just to organize my thoughts in the hopes of it making myself feel better.

I just have another feeling. And I have to write about it because I think it'll calm me down. Maybe not. Whatever, here goes nothing.

Right now I feel so restless. Alive and happy, but discontent. I am an anxious person for those who don't know. Over the last few months things have been peaceful. I have good friends and amazing family. I have kept myself so busy. I like my job. I'm relaxing and I'm finished with school for the summer. I've been RUNNING lately. How gross is that? Like I said, I'm happy. But after this peacefulness continues for too long, my blood begins to boil. I stop sleeping, my foot never stops tapping, my heart beats too fast, I check my phone even more addict-esque-ly than usual. I almost feel angry that nothing is moving. I begin to yearn for something new. It's not that I crave drama. I crave anything but that -- just a new place to visit, a new person, a friend or a date, a new opportunity, a photo shoot. Often this craving explodes into something trivial like new clothes or LUSH products (which I instantly regret it when I realize I have way too much of both) or most commonly a new hair color.

The thing that's both exciting and dangerous about this feeling is that it usually means something new is imminent and change is inevitable because it always is. Whether that something be good or bad, I try my best to let my anxiety reside inside me as excitement (for the most part. Hopefully this something isn't a health problem or an injury or an accident.) because sometimes when seemingly bad things happen, they end up turning into a blessing later on, and I am always excited for opportunities I have to grow.

I don't know where I'm going with this to be  completely honest. Like I said, I'm bored with my life. Happy, but bored. And maybe I'm being lazy and I need to make this change happen myself somehow, or maybe I'm being too eager and need to enjoy this calm before the storm. I don't know. Neither of those are a good way to be. I'm also not trying to complain in any way, because I'm exponentially grateful for how beautiful of a life I've got. But I'm excited for whatever change is coming at me, be it tomorrow or six months from now. Hopefully it shakes up my world in a good way.

Maybe I'm frustrated because I don't know exactly what it is that I want to happen, because if I did, I could go for it. I guess what I'm getting at with this post is that if you have this weird feeling in your gut like I do, and you actually KNOW what it is that you want unlike me, you should do something about it. Go tell that girl you like her. Go make up with your mom after that fight you had. Go make cookies for that old lady down the street. Buckle down and finish your term paper. Start a blog and tell the world how you feel. Go exercise because you love your body, not because you hate it.

What's the worst that can happen? And better than that, what's the best that can happen?

Like I said, no clue where I wanted to go with this. But hopefully it didn't bore to to tears. Thanks for reading, dolls.

with love,

autumn nicole