alright dudes. i'm about to go very psych-major on you all.
a few posts back i discussed heartbreak and growing and being stronger and i mentioned this girl quote that we all know and love...
"you cannot be happy with someone else until you learn to be happy with yourself."
- every girl ever
okay. yes. as i said, i agree and i disagree with this.
i agree with the fact that you should never ever place your self worth in the hands of someone else. you shouldn't have to sacrifice everything for someone who is not willing to give you an inch. you should never take abuse in any form. you should never let anyone hold you back or tear you down. those people are toxic and you don't need them.
also, i know you will always be happier in a relationship or in a marriage or in a friendship if you know yourself. know who you are, what you stand for, where you stand, what you like and hate and love and know and don't. you should always strive to learn all you possibly can and understand things from all angles. learn to be unapologetically, unchangingly, unbreakably you. by that i mean the best you. do not settle for the lesser version of you. know your faults and weaknesses and flaws. look into your past and DIG. DEEP. you will see a lot of ugly things and a lot of awesome things that have shaped you into who you are. learn to face your pain and then let yourself let go. move on. make goals. whatever. just start being better. this is what gives you a sense of self-love. it's not being skinny or having the best hair or clothes or having a million people compliment your intelligence or needing to brag or lie about your grandeur. it is internally being comfortable with yourself and not being afraid to love it.
but, i disagree because the whole idea is frankly kind of narcissistic. there, i said it. are you confused? i'm sorry i'm confusing myself too. but let me explain this as well. i firmly and wholeheartedly believe that the best way to find out who you are and what you love and feel whole and happy, is to forget. about. yourself.
wait what?
but autumn you just said to love yourself and spoil yourself and be yourself and and and and......
just listen. you know that feeling when you write someone a letter or buy them a present or clean something without asking, just to make them happy? thats you being you. it's you believing in something bigger than yourself. when you only focus on yourself, you will never be really okay. you will be stuck in this little selfish spiral where all you can see is the reasons you're miserable and the things that are making you anxious and what everyone is doing wrong to hurt you and
you you you you you
i hate elite daily 99% of the time because most of what they post is worldly and vain and focused on beauty and personal opinion and it bugs me, but they actually posted something i actually liked very recently titled "10 reasons this generation is losing the ability to be in love" (which, sadly, i feel like i agree with most of the time. but again, another post for another day.)the 4th reason on the list is that "we're becoming more egocentric." i'll just quote the section for you. they say, "every individual in the world is egocentric; we all think about our needs and ourselves first and foremost. whether this is good or bad doesn't really matter; the world is the way it is. it's part of human nature. the problem arises when our egocentricity overtakes our ability to feel empathy. as human beings, we have no choice but to live and function in society, within communities of different sizes. relationships are really nothing more than granule communities. when we focus on only ourselves, our needs, our wants and desires, the needs of the community get overlooked. when this happens in a relationship, it all begins to fall apart." (you can read the rest of the article here)
“How you make others feel about themselves says a lot about you.”
well UGH. how depressing is that? losing our ability to be in love? call me a girl but i sincerely believe all the cliché's; love is the closest thing humans have to magic, love makes the world go round, and of course, ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE.
i hate elite daily 99% of the time because most of what they post is worldly and vain and focused on beauty and personal opinion and it bugs me, but they actually posted something i actually liked very recently titled "10 reasons this generation is losing the ability to be in love" (which, sadly, i feel like i agree with most of the time. but again, another post for another day.)the 4th reason on the list is that "we're becoming more egocentric." i'll just quote the section for you. they say, "every individual in the world is egocentric; we all think about our needs and ourselves first and foremost. whether this is good or bad doesn't really matter; the world is the way it is. it's part of human nature. the problem arises when our egocentricity overtakes our ability to feel empathy. as human beings, we have no choice but to live and function in society, within communities of different sizes. relationships are really nothing more than granule communities. when we focus on only ourselves, our needs, our wants and desires, the needs of the community get overlooked. when this happens in a relationship, it all begins to fall apart." (you can read the rest of the article here)
“How you make others feel about themselves says a lot about you.”
well UGH. how depressing is that? losing our ability to be in love? call me a girl but i sincerely believe all the cliché's; love is the closest thing humans have to magic, love makes the world go round, and of course, ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE.
i'm not advising you to not do the things you love and be who you are. i just mean that the more you make other people smile, the more you'll smile yourself. and that's what relationships are about, right? trust, selflessness, commitment, hope for the best, honesty, loyalty. both parties are not giving 50%, but 110% each. and even through hard hard times, if you're both working, you will fill each other's (hypothetical) love cups with sparkles and rainbows so that you are both running over the brim with smiles. and it's magic. at least, that's what i've heard. it's good to take care of yourself and take pride in yourself and have confidence, but the best way to build those things up are to do good things for other people.
so let me revise this overused little piece of advice;
learn to love others in order to love yourself. be the kind of person you would love to love. and then you will be happy, with and without someone by your side.
with LOVE,
autumn nicole
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